he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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