she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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