Betty ford says i'm here all night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize