i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
