I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
