Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
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fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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