Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
