I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
