Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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