he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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