we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
