I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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