Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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