he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
