dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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