Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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