How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
