i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
