I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
