I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
