OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
