I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
