Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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