I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
