Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
