God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
