You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Duck Duck Cougar?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
