Sorry, I don't speak sober.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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