I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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