Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drunk is a universal language darling
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