I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
