She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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