i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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