I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
