i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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