the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize