i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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