she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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