Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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