So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
