So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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