Im at strip club and am horny
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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