Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
