Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
