porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
