I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
