Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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