yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
