Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I've blown a few things in my day
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
