You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I got her a Nickelback box set.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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