:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
