I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
