Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
