Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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