How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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