Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dear god my vagina.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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