you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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