i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I need moral support for this bender
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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