none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
