Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
