i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
