I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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