help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
