i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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