So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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