I want to make a zoo with you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
