The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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