he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
