i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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