chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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